Your Choice of Friends

Your Choice of Friends

People inspire you or they drain you…. Pick them wisely

– Common Quote

In the various walks of life, we meet, co-operate, give and seek help from, get involved professionally and personally and mingle with different types of people. Largely divided, we see that they all fall into one of four categories. The first is the “makes no difference “types. They make up the vast majority we meet and work with. They do their bit and leave our bit to us. They dig the patch they were supposed to and leave you bit for you to dig.  It is not that they do not help you or assist you, but the most operative word is “unremarkable.” They leave no mark in your life. Then we have the second type, ‘can’t care less” types. These are people who are not bothered with the effect of what they do or the objectives. They are not bothered with anything and they quickly leave the scenario. Fortunately they make up a very small number. However there are two types that leave a mark in your life and work. There are the ones who inspire you and those that leave you feeling drained. We will discuss the latter first.

The drainers, as we shall call them are a class unto themselves. The first thing that you will notice is the fact that they cannot be ignored, or will not allow you to ignore them. They have points of view, work ethics and interactive skills that are likely to leave you feeling exhausted by just listening to them. One common trait among these people are their belief in themselves as the ultimate. There is none better than them. Everything that is tried and tested is incorrect, imperfect or idiotic as per the thoughts of these people. They always step in when things are going good, and try to impose absolutely impractical themes into the situations. And they have no qualms in disrupting your work as much as they have in their own work. One of the most common feature of these people is their complaining nature.

There is a very disruptive element in the way these people interact. They do not mind breaking into your work space. They have very little idea of what is required of them and when explained find fault with it. These people have the unbelievable ability no only not to do the needful, but also to stop others from doing it. One drainer in a group can by himself defeat the whole purpose of the team.

Then there are those who make up the fourth category. The people who through their deeds and word inspire you. These people are rare but there are some very clear traits in them that you will notice in these people.

They Have Deep Empathy For Others. Those who inspire us to be better are fully capable of experiencing empathy, and they openly express their ability to understand our personal “stories” and who we really are and what we feel, deep down.  They don’t coddle or overprotect us, but they validate and appreciate who we are inside, which makes us feel safe to be more authentic, and expand on our own identity even more fully, without worrying that we’ll be crushed or humiliated in the process.

They Express Love and Appreciation Openly, and Foster Equality.  The people who inspire us the most are not full of hate, bigotry, or racism and they don’t harbour or encourage thoughts of who is “better” than someone else, or who deserves more.  They model equality. They are full of love and appreciation, and aren’t afraid to share it openly at work, at home and in their communities.  They use loving, accepting language, and are inclusive not divisive, and share their thoughts and beliefs around love, acceptance and equality in their narratives.

They Are Emotionally Healthy And Healed. People who inspire and uplift others have done the work to heal their wounds. They’re not necessarily pain-free -life regularly doles out painful experiences- but they do not inflict or project their pain onto others. Every human on this planet has experienced deep trauma and pain at some point in their lives. But those who inspire and positively influence have done the work to clean up their wounds.

They Believe In Collective Power. They believe in the strength of united approaches in uplifting others and do not limit it to just a select few, so that positive change can happen more quickly. They’re not focused intensively and solely on amassing their own wealth, power and influence. They want to see others rise, grow, and expand. That’s what fuels them and motivates their actions, and their business and growth strategies. In doing so, they can become very wealthy, powerful and influential, but that’s only a by-product of their focusing on expanding collective strength, power and positive impact.

They’ve Used All of Themselves to Make a Difference. They input all their best to reach the collective goal. They do not mind using even the lessons they have learnt from their pains that they have suffered. These inspirers have grown comfortable being totally authentic and open about who they really are deep down.

These are qualities you see in those who inspire you. Lest you forget that you are defined by the company you keep, be wise in your choice of friends. The negatives can drown you, the positives help you reach the summits of your life. And the others do not matter.