Where I lost my dreams

Where I lost my dreams

In war you get killed just once, in politics, a million times –Winston Churchill

This is a quote that any youth venturing forth into politics may be well served to remember. For someone who had spent nearly four decades of his life in politics, it may serve as a bitter memory. The most enticing factor that lures a young man or woman into this realm is the promise of power that goes with it. This is the White Rabbit that has led many a young Alice down the luring rabbit hole of politics – one from which there is hardly any escape. As with the story the bigger you grow the more trapped you are.

As a young boy  at school, politics meant nothing more than a group activity, with friends that allows you to skip classes and roam about the streets with impunity. Essentially it meant fun time.

It was the early day of college that introduced me to the real business of politics. The concepts of political party and power sank in during the early days of college politics. As a member of the student wing of the party that ruled the nation and the state, one could sense the proximity to seats of power, a luring factor for any student in early adolescence. Student politics gave me a place among the leaders and handed out a feel of position.

My first brush with of power.

The heady days that followed, saw me in the fray. Every victory was a cocktail that lured me further on. My record of victory still hold after decades. Student politics suited my quick changing temperament and I moved swiftly on with the flow. Every meeting handed me an opportunity, every new acquaintance, membership to an august fraternity. I needed no intoxicant to have that feeling of euphoria.

The positions that I filled in would make a neat list. As an elected member of select bodies , I knew and enjoyed the fact that I was part of the decision making that affected the lives of countless number of students and their future. It was as if I held a magic wand that gave and took, created and destroyed.

Post college, belying the expectations of my parents, I made politics my calling. Every dream of mine centered on the pursuit of power and popularity. Positions and recognitions were heaped on me, for successes achieved and favors rendered. Life promised me much.

It was as I neared the top that the futility of the whole thing dawned on me. Up there the room was tight and no one was welcome. Those who stood by me in applause turned cold as I approached their perches. It was as if, I were encroaching upon their private property.

I was with a shock that I realized that politics thrived not on giving to your people or even your party colleagues but by safeguarding you place of power from even your closest pal. There truly are no friends in politics, only acquaintances and temporary supporters. The very premise for the party, which should be the wellbeing of the people, was itself tainted and dishonest.

It was time for me to leave.

I needed no advice, solicited none. Politics had taken too much from me and those dear and near. Before me were stacked the dreams of my parents and the hopes of my wife and children, for whom I had not even the time to spare. Politics had stolen all that. The decision was final and I quit.

Yet the call of the society that I saw as a politician now stared at me from another angle. This time it was no longer an opportunity to power, but the cries of those in need and sufferings. It was time to deliver than talk.

The seeds of a social welfare society sprouted in my mind. The tears of the hapless were no longer to water my seeds of power. They were real cries of suffering and for the first time I heard it. Illnesses prevailed in our society, justice denied to many and poverty existed. And it was time for me to act.

Getting likeminded people, with the same zest and purpose was the first step in this move. Esteemed name, from erstwhile seats of power and prestige looked like a neat lineup. The whole purpose was the ability it gave us to act decisively and independently. Further it was a far cry from the bombastic talks to no purpose- there was a promise of action and lives would be touched. The sufferings of the ill, the needy and those who were wronged, would now be addressed, by those who sought to assuage.

Half a dozen years later, I look back at the progress we have made. Much work had been done, much more needs to be. Some of those that lined up in the initial days have changed. Purposes have been redefined, methods remodeled. As in every other field, social service has its own ups and downs. Yet there is the rewarding feel that follows every mission, be it screening groups of people for cancer or clearing and restoration of a fresh water lake. The word today while being softer, carry more meaning than the firebrand speeches during my political days.

Am I satisfied? Well, in reality there can never be complete satisfaction in anything we do. If one looks back, there is as much sorrow as success. I have lost some very deep friendships, for reasons that I can’t yet comprehend. There have been promises made, never realized. There have been criticism of things I thought were great deeds. I understand that as in politics, even here there would be more criticism that support. I realize that even when from expected quarters, these word of correction needs to be given eras to, the essential changes absorbed, the hoots discarded. One thing life has taught me is that, those who have too much to say have too little to do. Submitting unto God, everything you do, I venture on, the right hand doing without the left ever knowing. What ought to be done, ought to be done.

At the end of the day, somehow I still carry that feeling in the corner of my mind that I have done precious little for those dearest to me  – my family.