When I forget Me

When I forget Me

Being selfish is putting your own needs ahead of others, often to the detriment of others. Being selfless is putting others’ needs ahead of your own, often to your own detriment.

There is much written and hyped up about being a selfless person. Someone who lives for those around, for those in need, and those in tears. Such a person is the apple of all eyes, and a very real choice for sainthood. There won’t be a person around without a great deal of appreciation for this epitome’ of all things good. This is one person who forgets himself for the wellbeing of others, often ending up with nothing of his own. Starting with family and reaching out wide, into society and eventually the nation, such people have only the need of others in mind and have scant regard for his or her own happiness, need or comfort.

On the contrary, a selfish person is the receiving end of much derision and scorn from all around. They are considered the bane of the society and spoken ill of at social interactions. In many cases these people are disliked even by their dear and near ones, even family. They cling on to what is theirs and keep an eye open for what they can usurp from others. Their locution almost invariably starts with “I” and ends with the same. However in the long run, we see that they end up with more that they need and even those who scorned them would hold reluctant, yet real respect for these people, for what they possess and what they will likely get.
This is the very contradiction that society has built into itself and continues to do, unabated. The selfless man or woman, whose concern for others often leaves them with very little of their own, while hugely appreciated in their prime, find that they are all alone when they are in need. There are many cases where such do good souls end up with not even a hand to help them back on their own heels, after a fall. This is when society turns a blind eye, even those who benefitted. One is thus left wondering why we still do these deeds of goodness. That too to a society that has not an ounce of gratitude for someone with nothing. The fact that you have no resources to bank on, even for your own self, leave alone for others, suddenly leaves you as the person, whom everyone is keen on avoiding.

The other side of the balance, in the long run, is often the winner. With wealth and good health that came out of self-care, they have the last laugh. Even those who had criticized them, suddenly realise the “Virtue of Selfishness” as Ayn Rand would have it. In her book she argues,” Selfishness — a virtue?” Ayn Rand chose this book’s provocative title because she was on a mission to overcome centuries of demonization. “In popular usage,” Rand writes, “the word ‘selfishness’ is a synonym of evil; the image it conjures is of a murderous brute who tramples over piles of corpses to achieve his own ends . . . and pursues nothing but the gratification of the mindless whims of any immediate moment. “Yet the exact meaning and dictionary definition of the word ‘selfishness’ is: concern with one’s own interests. This concept does not include a moral evaluation; it does not tell us whether concern with one’s own interests is good or evil; nor does it tell us what constitutes man’s actual interests. It is the task of ethics to answer such questions.”

Not many would agree with Rand on her arguments, but with hindsight, in many cases, it can be seen that these is a case to be made for the cause of selfishness. If you spent your life for the wellbeing of others, what justice have you done to yourself? Nature has made life, with inbuilt selfishness. You cannot eat for the sustenance of others, you do it to sustain yourself. Almost all activity that nature has put in us is selfish. It is humanity that demonised selfishness. We were told and we do so to our children that doing something of oneself is a sin that deserves to be loathed. Yet when the pain hits you on your turn you suddenly find that this time you are all alone.
Yet let us keep in mind that resources, like money, when not available can be a cause for concern and sadness, but let take comfort in reminding ourselves that money is not the only source of happiness. There are much else that make up life.