Taking people for granted

Taking people for granted

We live in a world where we are ever dependent on one another in more ways than one. Every aspect of our lives today hovers around our one-on-one interactions and a lot of what we have or earn has to a great extent some element of contribution from someone or the other around us. And we have come to accept it as the norm of modern life. We also understand that the fruits of our efforts end up being added to someone else’s kitty. That then is the norm of life – the sum total.

It is a known fact that we tend to take our close relatives for granted, those we love and who, we believe, love us in return. And justifiably too. Our parents love us unconditionally. Custom leads us to believe that even our spouse, siblings and children do the same. Our friendships come with some strings attached. Corporate and professional relations do have strict no go zones in them.

Let us take a look at one of the relations that we consider primary, marital relation. One popular piece of advice given by most marriage counselors is not to take your partner for granted. Unlike the other relations in this group, this is one relation that undergoes a metamorphosis. From deeply felt romance to toleration of one another and sometimes choosing separate ways is a way for this relation.  In order to fan the flagging flames of romance, the argument goes, it’s helpful to introduce changes and uncertainty into the relationship. Taking your partner for granted, on the other hand, is typically associated with stability and confidence in the relations, which can lead to the assumption that no further effort or resources need to be invested.

Likewise, our friendships need to be revisited too if they have to survive. It is sometimes the depth of a relationship that also proves its undoing. The feeling that you know each other very well can cause you to neglect the need to check up with one another, matters that cause feelings to go the wrong way. “I have known him all my life: could well be the very reason that the relations end abruptly.

This is why a relationship that is of a professional nature, tends to adhere. Almost all the rules of interaction are set and well defined. This means that there are very few areas that are not defined and mostly we get what we expected. This then is the reason why there are very few professional relationships that go apart.

Being taken for granted is a difficult term to define. The many definitions of being “taken for granted” include “to fail to appreciate the value” and “to treat someone in a careless or indifferent manner.” These definitions are independent, and the presence of one does not necessarily imply the presence of the others. It is notable that the definitions generally carry a negative connotation, and presumes underestimation and/or inconsiderate behavior.

One thing that stands out from this discussion is the other side of the relationship. As much as the deed is the expectation. It is what was expected that did not materialize that causes the feeling of being taken for granted. Especially when your expectations are high and what was delivered did not match up. So it may be a good idea to be real in your expectations too. Having extremely high expectations, even in tried and tested relationships, can prove to be the very undoing of the relationship.

Another cause for the undoing of relationships could be loose words or alluring to someone in a comical way. This would be especially so when done in front of others. It may be a good idea to keep ribbing to private moments and not to be done in presence of someone, who does not belong to the intimate group. It is worthwhile to remember that two is company, three is crowd.

The best way to prevent such silly errors from destroying relationships is to consider the reverse. Think of what you would want the other side to do in a situation. That may be the best way to deal, give or take. Likewise keeping your expectations low and understanding that as humans we are all prone to errors may also prevent feelings of ill will. And when it comes to precedence in matters, it may be best not to hold a close relationship from being the reason to hold someone close being given timely precedence.

Relationships are very important in our everyday lives. We are the ones who hold the keys to its longevity. And it may be prudent to be cautious when we deal. And finally, when all is said and done, it may be a good idea to revisit your interactions at the end of the day. And one question, even if it is at another time could repair any damage that could have happened.

Do remember, relations are important and not to be taken for granted.