Spare the Rod?

Spare the Rod?

If you were to ask a handful of parents, how to handle a child’s bad behavior, and you will get a myriad answers. Parents across generations have tried spanking, yelling, lock in, depriving the child of favourite things or food, threatening etc. This has been a debate since civilized humanity started rearing children. This can be taxing, especially during the child’s late formative years, when he or she is exposed to external influences. It perhaps one of the areas that has merited and received the most amount of research time

Teaching children to recognize and control their behavior is an important job for the adults in their lives. How adults respond to a child’s behaviors has lasting effects on his or her development. It shapes how the child thinks, behaves, feels and interacts with others. It also teaches the child how to behave as an adult. Most researched show that discipline, rather than punishment works better. Discipline teaches kids what is acceptable. When children are taught how to control their behaviors, they learn how to avoid harm.

Punishment might work fast to stop bad behavior. But it is not effective over time as per a large number of researches. Corporal punishment as physical punishment is known by, also has been proven not to work in the long run. Moreover there are a thousand laws against physical punishment in and outside home or school. Today most schools where the use corporal punishment was previously prevalent, do it less because they do not find it effective. Studies show it has the opposite effect. Children who are physically or verbally punished are more likely to use negative physical and verbal behavior.

There comes a time when every parent and teacher struggles with how best to discipline their child or student. Whether a parent is dealing with a screaming toddler or a teacher with an angry teen, it can be sometimes be hard to control your temper. However parent or teacher wants to find themselves in such a situation and the accepted bottom line is that shouting and physical violence never help.
“Parents don’t want to shout or hit their kids. We do it because we’re stressed and don’t see another way,” says Professor Cluver of UNICEF
Rather than punishment and what not to do, the positive discipline approach puts an emphasis on developing a healthy relationship with your child and setting expectations around behaviour. The good news for every parent is it works.
A few guideline that are now being followed are.

● Have one on one time with the child. Make sure this time is not encroached by any other concern. You phone, TV or business should wait for another time. This is the time for common activity with discussion going on. Listen and you will learn more that you ever thought you could know of your child.
● Be a role model for good behavior. Be the model that you want your child to be. You cannot grow mangoes from a coconut seed.
● Set limits and expectations. This is the time for honesty. This is the time where you inform your child of your limitations and to make him or her accept limitations.
● Ignore bad behavior. This will surely raise a few eyebrows, but it is important to realise that the greatest accept of bad behaviour is by acknowledging it. It shows the child that his or her purpose has borne fruit, negatively or positively. Ignoring it shows the child that the bad behaviour has no acceptance and will not have any effect on you.
● Praise the positives. Children thrive on praise. It makes them feel loved and special. Watch out for when they’re doing something good and praise them, even if that thing is just playing for five minutes with their sibling.
● Use Calm Consequences, not fearful ones. Give your child a chance to do the right thing by explaining the consequences of their bad behaviour. As an example, if you want your child to stop scribbling on the walls, you can tell them to stop or else you will end their play time. It is definitely not the time to tell your child that they will receive a bout of spanking for it. This provides them with a warning and an opportunity to change their behaviour.