Social Grace

Social Grace

There are a few incidences that leave you with a good feeling in your mind. These are not earth-shakers, and not led to or leave us in a tempestuous manner. These are simple acts of social niceties that still continues to make a mark on our minds and make us feeling happy about being there. These are a feature that has begun to leave us though and are seen rarely.

This thought occurred in my mind after a visit to the house of a close friend of ours’. Shankar is a great friend from a long time ago and has always been someone I could bank on in time of need. He resides in Saudi Arabia but in reality is never more than a phone call away.

However this is not about Shankar himself, but about his better half Cynthia. The couple has a son Narahari. With major vision impairment, one should not be surprised if she were to neglect some niceties, she would surely be excused. It is common for us to forgive even rude behaviour from people with impairment, forget the niceties.
We went calling at his house in Trivandrum, yesterday, late in the evening. It was a social call, a bye to Shanker and Cynthia, flying out today to Saudi. Shankar’s parents were there too. Dusk had fallen and the lighting was largely electrical. In a Hindu family, it is the time when the lamps are lit, in front of the deities and prayers are done.

What took us by surprise, was the grace with which Cynthia was going about this daily ceremony. She wasn’t sitting in a corner, waiting for someone to do the needful for her. She was gracefully going about doing all that need to be done. And even as she did so, there was no dearth of the social graces that goes with welcoming your guest who come calling.

After the lighting of the lamp, impairments aside, she made her way upstairs with least of fuss. Five minutes later she came down, having changed for to fit into the social groove. It is her courtesy that impressed me after that. Shankar and I were in the middle of the way, in earnest conversation, and it is not uncommon for someone on the way to excuse herself to make a way through. Yet she chose to stand waiting and when she found a way around us she went all the way around.

It is very nice to note that some of the niceties have not been lost. We still have a way of treating each other with respect and appreciate our bondages and its values. People like Cynthia do not let impairments affect their graces and the beauty of social niceties. While there is one such person there is always hope. This perhaps is where real vision lies.
Not always though. My next blog is about the very opposite of this. When even the greatest of assistance receives scorn and disregard.