Money vs. Relationships

Money vs. Relationships

“Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.” –Kinky Friedman

Among the many things we are passionate about in life, money and relationships usually tend to top the list. These are two areas in our life where emotions run high and we sometimes forget what is more important. The money or the relationship. Most of the time we say with scant thought that we value relationships more than money. We may even mean it when we say so, but often it tends to be a case of us lying to ourselves. Because when push comes to shove, it is commonly seen that money precedes relationship. This is even so within families and money tends to be the one cause for broken families, above all other.

Have you ever heard the saying that money can’t buy happiness?

It is deeply rooted in the idea that as human beings it is not always stuff that will fulfil us but rather relationships with others and emotions. Yes money buys us the freedom to do the things with the people we love that we want to do but is it really the money that is bringing us the happiness of the actual experience and emotion of being around the people we love.

There are countless stories of great relationships buckling before the pursuit of money. Material needs are real and there is no denying that. But when the accumulation exceeds the actual need and becomes the prime purpose of life, it hits the relationships, squarely. Some may say that money and love are always competing with each other. But it doesn’t have to be this way as the story below would show.

“I’ve counselled more than 500 couples—and this is the No. 1 mistake that ruins relationships” says Amanda Clayman, psychotherapist and relationship coach. Here is a story that she tells us about a family that faced tension due to financial undercurrents.

“Mary often sends Matt links to articles about why it’s important to save. She complains about how behind they are in their financial goals and points out others who are further ahead. Mary is always fixated on the problems of the future and how they can be avoided by taking action now.

Matt is more aware of today’s problems. He’s tuned to notice feelings of tension, anxiety and sadness — and sees spending as a means to bring about a different emotional state. Matt often says things like: “Why are we working so hard if we can’t spend our money now?” “Let’s solve our problems as they come.” “We should live every day like it’s our last.”

This is one relationship that faced dissolution on the pretext of money. However the story had a happy ending with Amanda giving them an idea of the real strength of their relationship. Since they both looked the opposite way, together they had a 360^o view of all aspects of life and made an unbeatable team. Here instead of money being a breaker it turned out to be the maker. The relationship won, and put money in its correct place.

Money is a commodity, no so a relationship. Relationships, not just within the family but among your peers and the society in general, form the very back ground of human life. Money is something that everyone has to have, at least some of it. But the problem with money, or the lack of it, is a serious one. It’s bad enough when you yourself are dealing with a money problem, but it’s even worse when it involves you and someone else. When money problems arise between you and someone closely related, money problems can destroy your relationship! Everyone grows up with certain expectations and experiences with finances that carry over into how you feel about the power of money as an adult.

Here money, even the lack of it, has the power to destroy relationships. We can never turn a blind eye to this fact. It is true that you can never pay your bills with a hug. However a hug can go a long way in getting you ready to go right on and find ways to settle the issues.

Relationships last, money just pays.