How to Accept Defeat without feeling beaten.

How to Accept Defeat without feeling beaten.

“When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal.”― Napoleon Hill,

There is not a person on the face of the earth who had not had to face defeat in some form or the other. We have all been beaten on the games field, in classrooms, in the office we work. There may be many reasons for the defeat. One of the first things we do is to try and find excuses for the same, to convince yourself. However the worst part of it is the self-loathing that often follows.

There is a difference between getting defeated and feeling defeated. Instead of dwelling upon what went wrong, try to focus your attention on what you can do right next time. Remind yourself that this too shall pass. Bear in mind that while it is important to embrace emotions, it may be unwise to follow certain feelings (such as anger or self-loathing) to their logical conclusions. Try to let go of what you cannot change and do your best to be respectful toward whomever or whatever has defeated you.

The first thing you could do is to validate yourself. Tell yourself that there is no way to “feel wrong”. No emotion is inherently good or bad. They simply are, and it’s healthy to embrace them. Acknowledge the fact that whatever you are feeling is entirely acceptable.

Don’t take yourself too seriously. A situation can always be worse. Consider whether there is a silver lining that you haven’t yet seen. Try to find the humour in what has happened, and keep a smile on your face – even though it may be hard for you to crack a natural smile. You may find that the situation is funnier, smaller, or more absurd once you take a step back from your personal investment.

Think about what you just experienced, and try to understand how you are currently responding to it. If you are angry, ask yourself why you are angry. If you are disappointed, ask yourself what you hoped to achieve. Before you accept or control your emotions, you must first understand them.

Think about how you would have felt if you had not been defeated. Compare the two states, and consider what remains the same between the two outcomes.

Consider writing your thoughts down or speak to a trusted friend or family member about your feelings. You probably know how you best process emotions – so do what you need to do to come to terms with the situation.

Let go of defeat. When you fail, your emotions can distort your perspective. Do not linger on what happened, and do not let your defeat continue to defeat you. You might feel yourself welling up with anger, frustration, or indignation: feelings that, in this case, will only feed themselves. Learn to recognize these non-accepting emotions, catch hold of them, and cast them aside.

You can move on by letting go, or you can move on by seeking retribution. Letting go will release you from your defeat, while the quest for retribution will only tie you to the defeat.

Let go of self-judgment. Accept that failure is merely a part of life. People have and will always deal with defeat – it is a matter of perspective.