Are we all going down a lonely path?

Are we all going down a lonely path?

While thinking of loneliness, typically adult loneliness, most of us think of senior people. Even the media typically has focused its attention on the seniors of our community….many of whom genuinely are lonely! Yet there are aspects of loneliness that are truly missed and we are all lonely in the modern world. The reality is that younger adults and midlife life adults all can – and do – face loneliness as they go through significant life changing situations. For some adults one event can create extreme loneliness, whereas for others it’s the accumulation of so many problems or perceived failures that brings on loneliness.

Let us face it, adulthood, especially late adulthood is not easy and it is often a lonely experience…regardless of whether you live alone or among an expanding family. It’s the time you might be facing your greatest relationship break-ups, or the greatest financial problems. As an adult you might be experiencing the greatest fear over your own and the mortality of others, as you see so many people around you critically ill, and dying….some of the hardest deaths being your spouse, parents and your own children. Your significance in the world changes…your best friends, and good colleagues, come and go… and you have perpetual change, beyond your ability to cope at times.
Our hearts do go to those of you in adulthood whose loneliness lingers and often becomes entrenched. What often makes it harder for you to get over your loneliness is that you feel you have to be responsible for yourself and as a matter of pride you don’t seek help. Sometimes you do take “pithy advice” from well-meaning friends, magazines, website articles… and when that doesn’t work, you feel an even greater sense of loneliness…and often failure. One of the challenges of adulthood is understanding your uniqueness – that we are a product of our childhood experiences, our current and past support systems and our habitual patterns of thinking about ourselves and others. Advice that works for one isn’t necessarily going to work for all.

In fact if you truly feel lonely and even if you suspect others might be lonely, and they stoically say they aren’t, it’s worth understanding adulthood and loneliness better. Adulthood is about the following things.
● Feeling huge responsibility for the lives of children, spouses, and elderly parents.
● Feeling a failure all your friends seem to have better lives and your problems seem forever.
● Being scared of the possibility of illness, weaknesses and even terminal diseases and the resources to battle these
● Perpetually anxious of the progress in life. It may seem that no matter how hard you work you aren’t making headway.
● Struggling with having to make life changing decisions.
Feeling socially isolated occurs when people, are not connected into their communities in a meaningful way. Society, other people and we ourselves unwittingly contribute to loneliness. You feel significant pressure to have achieved more in your life by your current age, and you feel you are measuring short when comparing to others.
You are socially shy and instead of only having people of a similar age and set of situations to engage with, you are struggling to engage with wide ranges of people all at different points in their lives. You lose emotional support from siblings in particular, and other family members or close friends. Another very real reason is your spouse or long term partner leaves you or dies, and unexpectedly you have to transition to a life of living alone.
Another modern situation that is very common is the juggling between looking after your children, your elderly parents and holding down a full-time job. You have been so hurt and disappointed by others that you start resenting people in general.

It may be worth understanding that there are no ready fixes. The only person who can sort this out for you most, is yourself. Take time to give a though for your feelings. Plan new ventures, like a trip to your estranged college friends. Try writing, it helps. And if at the end of it all, it still haunts you, go see an expert. It can get really bad if it keeps growing